Good Morning, God!
by WAK Coe
In the beginning, to those seraphs who knew the signs, it was clear that there was something unusual going on… or rather, not going on, in Heaven that morning. For a start, God, normally an early riser, was playing possum and not even the smell of freshly brewed Italian coffee and chocolate brioche or, the sound of his bath being drawn (it was the former Pope’s turn to bring him breakfast this week, with the former Archbishop of Canterbury on the bath rota), was persuading Him to bestir himself so difficult did the day promise to become.
Outside, in the Gardens of Paradise, hundreds of virgins were debating what was really of interest in the endless pursuit of purity. Some were multi-tasking and listening also to Mohammed who, as usual, was lambasting a bunch of clerical zealots; trying to find a unifying principle amongst them that would not continue to expend the heavenly supplies of fire and brimstone at the recent pace of drawdown at a rate that was seriously depleting the remaining stocks of the stuff.
Siddhartha, having persuaded God to give him a huge banyan tree all to himself, was pretending that he did not exist and that all around him, the stuff of paradise, was an illusion.
Nanak, bless him, was studiously chewing the end of his pencil, always the observer and ever trying to distil the best of everything of merit that he heard into his Great Book designed to inform as many, yet offend as few, especially amongst the Moguls, as was possible so to do.
Most observers had always thought that the unholy alliance that had grown between Confucius and Machiavelli would end in tears and so it now seemed might be the case. St Peter, still very close to Him, had noted that God had seemed somewhat distant from the time that He had begun to read Robert Graves’s “I Claudius”. Peter thought he could place the event on a particular morning when the wind had dropped and the noises emanating in the far corner of paradise had caused God to look out of the French doors towards the spot where Noah – now very old – was still hammering and chiselling his bloody boat.
Stroking his beard and casting his mind back, Peter recalled how God’s features had softened as he smiled at his memories of what the old man had done for Him, He had shaken his head and turned back to Graves. Then suddenly He had looked up, his eyes distant, put down his book and gone for a long walk, alone. Unusual that. This took on even more significance when, later, the duo of natural conspirators had been asked to join Him for tea that very afternoon. Pius, being Italian had put his ear to the door but a swift “bugger off” from Him had put a stop to that!
St Peter had chatted with Paul about the page mark where His reading had stopped – “let all the poisons in the mud hatch out”. Nothing to do they decided but to wait and God, in all his infinite wisdom ……but, wait one, Peter reminded Paul, this was God and, truth be told, He was not getting any younger! But, everything in context, and everything in its time, were processes he had followed since he had observed the goings on in Galilee and Jerusalem. Suddenly, it seemed to him that ‘the creationists’ had sniffed the air like a herd of Tyrannosaurus Rex after a meteor storm. Peter’s first comments to Paul were something about “cat and pigeons” coming into close proximity. Certainly, looking around, he could see why God might be a tad concerned with the present state of “his creation”.
How did things ever get so far?
In the former United States of America, there was trouble in every direction; it was feared by many that the recent election would leave the country ungovernable and inoperable at the Federal level. Meanwhile, across the 50 States, the resistance to the existing federal structure was growing. The divisions would, it seemed persist and with them, hatred and violence would be exacerbated, both, between state boundaries and across the state itself. Within individual States populations were, increasingly, living in distinct if not separated communities. In turn, the internal electoral boundaries, often determined by electoral gerrymandering had helped create a situation on the ground that began to resemble the armed villages surrounded by stockades from an earlier time.
The incoming President had achieved re-election in ways that wound up groups of fanatics – those who looked forward to the coming of the US equivalent of the “Hidden Imam”. They expected that he (must be a man, naturally) – would bring with him and those around him, the freedom to carry assault weapons or the various forms of the End of Days. They held that the good old USA was ready again to “bring it on” and to begin a crusade for the new Christ – aka MAGA – but, this time, for real and without undocumented attendees.
In a move cunningly copied from Joseph Heller’s Book of Prophesy – “Catch 22”, the USAF outsourced to Israel, evermore willing to inflict itself on unarmed civilians in pursuit of their version of justice, for the attack on the Iranian program to produce weapons of mass destruction. For this exercise, the Israelis had, in turn, leased a few B2 and B3 bombers that had been sold by the Government to an unnamed hedge fund to help pay for the Federal Government’s buyout of FannyMae and FreddieMac, and in so doing making the “land of the free” the “land of the lease owned”.
The Seven Pillars and the End of Days, 20th century style?
Using a Robert Mugabe replica as its agent, Iran immediately provided money to fund a new election in Pakistan in which the people’s vote was divided between moderate candidates carefully selected by those really in power, including Benazir who, though remaining entirely unseen throughout was not, as it had been widely rumoured, dead after all. Post the electoral process(?Ed.) she and those around her, had apparently, received 32% of the vote. This ‘dispensation’ allowed Ayman al-Zawahiri to be elected, post mortem, Prime Minister and Mullah Omar to become President on a platform of education for all women (at home) and a program to create one-handed jobs for unemployed amputees. In the next six weeks, Pakistan was then merged, first with Afghanistan and then, both, joined, with Iran. This resulted from elections that were overseen by a renewed version of Thabo Mbeki whose spokesman and Information Minister (without portfolio but lots of cash) was the former Bright Matonga, who had asserted them to have been free and fair with 97% of all three votes cast having being in favour of the merger.
Notably, here was a part of the world, deeply divided, that had at its core the same dispute as had persisted for a thousand years, the one between Shia and Sunni, but, perhaps, now sharing a belief as to their respective version(s) of ‘The End Of Days’. Notably, this time the entity included, at least, two nuclear-armed Islamic entities enjoying a shared sense of ‘a common enemy’ (well, at least one such) and unified by internal opposition to the emergent and supposed apartheid regime in Jerusalem that was also, oddly to some, considered as being antisemitic. Meanwhile, to add to the potential for fun on a cosmic scale, the land promised the Jews by Yahweh, had also, it was believed by some, become nuclear-armed when someone in the US had, inadvertently left open the door of the nuclear arsenal whilst they had gone for a pee.
Meanwhile, the former Kingdom of Saudi Arabia (now a subsidiary of MBS International Inc.) was caught between two devils; (i) the monetary power of the US and its influence with, or by, Israel (and parties of that mindset) and (ii) the demands upon Saudia Arabia as the birthplace of Islam via Mecca; as a result it had found itself riding a camel with the head pointing in the opposite direction to the saddle.
”The neighs have it!”.
At the same time, the ever-emergent United Nations, and its agencies such as the WHO and UNHRC (ever popular in Tel Aviv for its work with ”refugees?”), were well on the way to becoming the most expensive talking shop in history since Caligula made his horse a Senator (thus introducing the parliamentary term ”the neighs have it!”). Today, the only prospects for common agreement include (a) the banning of the word “facile” and (b) acceptance by a majority of the universal need for “gaslighting”; the latter, naturellement, not to be used in the context of “illumination” as a topic. Thus, the five permanent members – aided by the 10 other chaps and chapesses – were entirely free to speak openly about internecine wars and genocide and had assured the incoming United Nations Secretary-General – a cloned version of Richard Nixon – that the process of his election had been free and fair with 97% of all three votes cast having been in favour of the appointment.
This was at a time when, to many, Israel (now become a wholly owned subsidiary of The Hidden Tribes Inc. and part of the United States (now with a population of circa 7 million Jews)) had lost its collective mind and was seen by some, as pursuing its national version of “the End of Days”. This was via a system of proportional representation that had inspired fear, even in Ben-Gurion. Today, this anomaly had, in company with the Israeli Supreme Court and, coupled with the legends around the Tel Megiddo, been taken by various parties to what, some thought of as. a decline. Meanwhile, others thought it to be justice and retribution for recent injustices; i.e. the Pharaohs, Herod, the Romans etc and extending to Adolph and his mob but not forgetting Will Shakespeare. To show how much these folks, the inheritors and beneficiaries of the idea of sanctuary – à la mode of Balfour – for the individual had learned, they had inspired some manufacturers to ‘make things’ for them. Then, aided by the deployment of what you might describe as, “explosive calls” on mobile phones (especially effective against children), help ‘liberate’ Gaza, the West Bank, Lebanon and, the Golan Heights. In the process demonstrating an innate sense of fair play for all by granting free access (and effective immunity) to armed mobs of the group “the New Settlers” from the US in its holy mission to violently seize its neighbour’s agricultural lands. At the same time, some also voiced support for others, including individuals (who it was thought by the media might have a key to the incoming US President’s residence) as they floated the idea of a new property development of luxury homes, marinas and hotels on the Mediterranean coast of a little known place called Gaza.
“Cometh the hour, cometh the man” ….. and then, cometh the perks
Meanwhile, Putin had seen his chance, cut off the oil and gas to the EU and was bombing the shit out of Ukrainian civilians as a prelude to reoccupying the whole of the Caucuses and the Baltic states. This was, on the grounds, or so it was claimed, that an ice cream van salesman in Crimea had, rather rudely, refused the child of a Russian passport holder a strawberry ice lolly.
As a result, and as a sop to the emergent far-right across Europe, the new German Chancellor had launched a blitzkrieg of ferocious German Greens, transported in heavily armoured bio-fuelled refuse lorries reportedly carrying huge, highly provocative recyclable banners, deep into Russian territory; stripping en route everything that stood in their way for reuse.
Meanwhile, Europe was being torn asunder by the collective inability to (a) prevent the thousands who arrive on the southern shores from spreading out amongst the nation-state members and/or (b) detect crowds of people living in tented villages on their beaches and or (c) trace the purchase of rubber boats which were then launched into some of the most heavily guarded waters on Earth. Equally, the authorities remained, seemingly, unable to monitor large deposits, possibly in cash, via the banking system. (Why, I wonder, do those opposed to Safe-haven not read Michael’s book “Pipelines”).
The once Great Britain, now left by Brexit, with nowhere to turn but to an America that no longer existed, was in the throes of falling apart after Covid, the Post Office, Grenfell, Partygate, “non-doms” (for taxation purposes) resident (or not) in No 11 Downing Street and the rest, Then, in a new “time for change”, a newly elected government “of the people”, incoming with a majority of 174 seats based upon 33.7% of the votes and a sufficient majority as to make it secure for five years, had begun its programmes by the usual methods: i.e. telling folks that the fact that the first two years would be bad was due to the other guys. But then, they assured all who might listen, that, as the next election approaches, all would be well; “we promise”: adding that in the interim the “traditional values” would apply throughout. Sadly, they chose not to name those values as being, petty corruption, preference, departmental bullying, casuistry or “gaslighting”. Indeed, we are reassured that Cliff Gladwin’s famous assertion has reemerged, albeit somewhat reshaped: “Cometh the hour, cometh the man …. and then, cometh the perks – to remain, no doubt, embedded at its (supposed) heart.
China, now owning the largest navy in the world and enjoying a shipbuilding capacity 200+ times larger than that of the US was eying Taiwan. Meanwhile, Korea’s two halves were looking at each other, and everyone else, with suspicious eyes via nuclear lens’ whilst the North was seriously considering “moving in” with Putin. India was lost, far off the planet and resident in Modi-land, a place of love and tolerance for all including Sikhs and Muslims; or not. Japan was closely examining its own navel, and Africa was responding to its training by the colonial European powers by embedding the overthrow of the existing state, rape, murder and corruption in its efforts to “improve the lot of its people”; or not.
The greatest power in the world is that of the Soul
God enjoys a laugh but it was clear that he was not, on this occasion, amused; reluctantly he raised himself and asked that the unholy duo be brought before him. They stared at the floor whilst he dunked his brioche – at least the coffee was still warm – “Look at the unholy mess your advice has created. It is not as if they – the so-called human race – have destroyed the bloody planet, no, they have simply done enough to make sure their kind can’t live there anymore. Now I have to clear up and find a new bunch to replace them with – I look to you for ideas on this – and, no Confucius; it is not true of me that “I do not hear and I forget” and, anyway, that is not what you said at the time. Meanwhile, you Machiavelli, I’ll have none of that shit blaming me’ with your I am God stuff and I bloody know what you said and you need to think about it yourself:“ the first method for estimating the intelligence of a ruler is to look at the men he has around him”. Now. Where is Noah, I have work for him?!”…..
Meanwhile, on a planet far away a little man in a loin cloth told us; “The greatest power in the world is that of the Soul. Peace is its highest expression. To attain peace, first, we must acquire greater mastery over ourselves. We secure then an atmosphere of perfect peace, calm and goodwill that protects and fortifies ourselves and blesses others around us……”
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